HELLO, moron, and welcome to the scariest ghost house on the net. You messed up big time by clicking on this but now there is no escape. If you click a different link or close the window a Dracula will come to your window and look at you with scary eyes.

So please, dear reader (fear reader), come inside… I promise nothing scary will happen. HAHA NOT. Psych.

You enter the house and the door slams shut behind you and it’s locked. Everything seems pretty normal until blammo a fuckin spider is all up in your face. His friend, a bat, is there too. You get startled and are scared as hell but you have to continue on because of the door thing.

You turn the corner in a dark and dusty halloway (halloween hallway) and BLAHHH there’s a skeleton sitting in a chair RIGHT THERE. You didn’t think you could get any more scared than you were before but hey here we are.

Ahh but how relieving… it’s not a skeleton sitting in a chair but just the depiction of a skeletin carved into a pumpkin AKA a Jacko Lantern. You look in a mirror to make sure your hair is ok but you see the skeleton was right behind you all along!!!

He beckons you to come give him a big stinkin sloppy kiss right on the mouth but you don’t wanna. You run away but come face to face with nature’s most fearsome predator: the ghost.

He wobbles to and fro and you know that you’re done for. “This is probably the ghost of the skeleton before. He’s probably pretty mad and that’s scary” you think to your lonesome self.

A friendly cat jumps out and the ghost disapparates and you are at ease for a moment. He looks pretty happy and he does a little dance that you think is cool but you look a little closer… AH! His face disappears for a second there during his dance which is scary and also his shadow kind of looks like one snake and then two snakes for a couple frames. “Those are two things that make this cat scary” you think to yourself as you hightail it the heck out of there.

Oh no but look out. A monster made by none other than Dr. Victor Frankenstein starts stomping towards you. You hide in a closet before he can come do to you whatever Frankenstein monsters do.

You get in the closet (which doesn’t have a skeleton in it–that is an x-ray gif. You are the skeleton in the closet. It’s scary because if you think about it, we all have skeletons inside of us). It’s far too dark in there so you light a candle.

Much to your horror it turns out you are sharing a closet with a scary witch with one of the bubbliest cauldrons you’ve ever seen in all your days. You run out of the closet.

Outside of the closet there is a mummy who does a funky dance and you die.

Your spine-tangling adventure has come to an end. You screwed up big time by bumping into that mummy and because of that you have died and now you’re in a coffin.

The End…? Yes.

Ahhh don’t worry about it, chump. It was all just some Hallow’sween fun. Just a silly prank on the internet. The house was only in your imagination this whole time. It just seemed real because I did a good job.

So don’t worry… there’s no such thing as REAL haunted houses… right?

Well… the legend I heard is that ghosts have long since abandoned haunting houses and have since taken up haunting the internet through internet web logs… just like this one…

BOO!!!! HAhahehehehahahaaa I was a ghost all along. Ghoulnight, fucker… pleasant dreams…

Advertisements